It's been 3 months and now I'm kickin' it Katarina style.

">Okay,  Sorry for the absence.  Summer took over and then it really took over.   I know from all of the letters of complaint it's been challenging, you know,"missing me."  So whilst encouraging my offspring and then being totally pissed off because already they are cuter and way more athletic than we (the man in my life) could have ever been.  (Oh ending with a preposition.)   So a picture.  Katarina style.  Hanging out with a bunch of pre-pubescent youngsters, their parents and a bunch of 8 year olds.  Not to mention, cheetos, bagels, beef jerky and a shit-load of chlorine.  Luckily, no murder.   Just some basketball and some Hokey-Pokey.  It's Utah.

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It made me appreciate the people of Louisiana and also take 2 minutes to love the one your with. We survived.    I love swimming.  It's good people.  Plus some KFC, hilarious hormones and just a lot of sweat.  You'd love it too.

with love and a high five.

jen

I would like Foghorn Leghorn on my forehead please. And, by the way what do you charge for that?

I saw a van with curtains today, at the liquor store.  Vans with curtains make me nervous.  Who buys a van with curtains?  And then if you have a van with curtains, why do you keep them drawn?  It makes me nervous.

Face tattoos make me uncomfortable.  How bad do you have to hate your face to tattoo it?  What about a tattoo will make your face better?

Just a few things I am pondering.  Pondering....

I don't need Nostradamus, this makes it very clear to me.

So, whilst browsing a stupid catalog I received in the mail today I came across a little summin, summin'.

It is exactly why I know that the end of the world is near.  Very near.  Check it out please and then go build a safe room or a cellar or something.  Just build baby.

The Pet High Chair.

Satisfying a mutual desire for companionship, this high chair permits your dog or cat to accompany you at the dinner table. The high chair clips securely to tables up to 2" thick and its height adjusts without tools to elevate your pet to near eye level. It has a frame of powder-coated 5/8" steel tubing and its arms are rubber-coated so they will not mar table surfaces. By providing an alternative to sitting on your lap, running disruptively underfoot, or outright banishment, the chair assuages a pet (and its owner's) frustration, and promotes more refined behavior. The chair's 600-denier tan/brown nylon fabric cleans easily. Two tethers on the chair protect your dinner guests against any lapses in etiquette. Folds for convenient storage and travel. For pets up to 10 lbs. 10" H x 12" W x 9 1/2" D. (4 lbs.)

This thing cost $49.95!    Seriously?  This satisfies a "mutual desire for companionship"?  This worries mel  And some poor schmuck had to write that copy.  Oh dear Lord, the end is near. 

Forgive my sarcasm but you gotta be shittin' me?!

If you are so busy strategizing you forget about living!

Had a discussion with The Man in My Life today.  We spend WAY to much time strategizing and a lot less time living. Here's an example.

Took all 3 offspring to see "Alice in Wonderland" in 3D!  today.  We discussed when we should show up at the theater (so we could get a seat)  Should we hit Petco first, do we have time? Maybe you should go see if we can get seats and then we can go from there?  Should we think about running to the store first to get soup for dinner?  You know it will be dinner time when the movie is over?  What do you think?

Once it was determined that we could not get into the theater for seats but we could wait in line we had this discussion.  Should we all wait in line?  Where are the boys?  Do you have a quarter?  Mom, when are you getting some drinks because I am hungry? (oh, wait I'm sorry son the small bottle of rum in my purse is yelling at me so don't talk to me about mixers right now.)

We have now made it into the theater.  Here I am asked... Where should we sit?  Are you sure this is a good spot for 3D perhaps we should be down a row, whatya' think?  Are there 5 in a row?  Should we move down so as not to leave a single seat that no one can use?  I have to use the restroom, should I do that before we get snacks?

Getting snacks was frightening.  What should we get the offspring?  Will they eat that much?  Will they want more?  What do we want?  Should we share a large drink?  Does that small bottle of rum in your purse cover 2 large drinks?  Do you want popcorn?  I don't know, do you?  Now that we have this popcorn, should we put some of that fancy flavoring on it?  Do you think there is too much sodium in that stuff?  Aren't we watching our sodium intake?

We spend WAY to much trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.  In the meantime, we miss most of what's going on.  We are trying to get everywhere faster, quieter, stronger, louder, bigger, better, smaller and God knows what else.  All the while, no one is looking at us and everyone is looking at us too.

Live without Strategy, you will be surprised how nicely it will work out and finally someone will have just made a decision.  Finally.

"The coolest people on Earth" don't seem that cool.

We watched the Grammy's last night.  Of all the award shows, it's my favorite.  Maybe because it moves faster than the others, maybe because there is more entertainment.  I don't know what it is.  For the most part, it was really lame.

Sick of Taylor Swift much?  I am really tired of that child.  We love Stevie Nicks, she's cool.  But singing with Taylor Swift.  Uggh.  It was painful.

Green Day.  Awesome.  I would travel to New York to see American Idiot on Broadway.  They just come off as cool.  They are probably dicks but they seem cool.

Pink was incredible.  Loved the silk ribbon acrobatics.  Way better than the Beyonce's  dancing.  I usually like Beyonce but those head spins, where she was whipping her hair around were just plain ridiculous.

The act with Eminem and Drake and Lil' Wayne could have been interesting but unfortunately the whole thing had to be censored.  I kept asking The Man in My Life if something was wrong with the television.  Seriously is loses it's effect when you can't hear the words.

Quentin Tarantino looks like Elvis Presley.  And his attempt to sound hip and urban was just embarrassing.  He makes us 40 year old white folks look ridiculous.

I'm kinda thinking I want those two and a half hours of my life back.  But you can guarantee I will watch again next year.  Narcissist and Hypocrite.

Check. Check. Am I on? Is this thing working?