I would like Foghorn Leghorn on my forehead please. And, by the way what do you charge for that?

I saw a van with curtains today, at the liquor store.  Vans with curtains make me nervous.  Who buys a van with curtains?  And then if you have a van with curtains, why do you keep them drawn?  It makes me nervous.

Face tattoos make me uncomfortable.  How bad do you have to hate your face to tattoo it?  What about a tattoo will make your face better?

Just a few things I am pondering.  Pondering....

I don't need Nostradamus, this makes it very clear to me.

So, whilst browsing a stupid catalog I received in the mail today I came across a little summin, summin'.

It is exactly why I know that the end of the world is near.  Very near.  Check it out please and then go build a safe room or a cellar or something.  Just build baby.

The Pet High Chair.

Satisfying a mutual desire for companionship, this high chair permits your dog or cat to accompany you at the dinner table. The high chair clips securely to tables up to 2" thick and its height adjusts without tools to elevate your pet to near eye level. It has a frame of powder-coated 5/8" steel tubing and its arms are rubber-coated so they will not mar table surfaces. By providing an alternative to sitting on your lap, running disruptively underfoot, or outright banishment, the chair assuages a pet (and its owner's) frustration, and promotes more refined behavior. The chair's 600-denier tan/brown nylon fabric cleans easily. Two tethers on the chair protect your dinner guests against any lapses in etiquette. Folds for convenient storage and travel. For pets up to 10 lbs. 10" H x 12" W x 9 1/2" D. (4 lbs.)

This thing cost $49.95!    Seriously?  This satisfies a "mutual desire for companionship"?  This worries mel  And some poor schmuck had to write that copy.  Oh dear Lord, the end is near. 

Forgive my sarcasm but you gotta be shittin' me?!

A couple of things.

Did you read the Wall Street Journal business section (ok, we get the abbreviated version in our Sunday paper) that blogging is passe. Old school.  No one wants to read more than one paragraph.

Just when I get something, it's considered out of touch, no longer cool, I SUCK.   Fer reals?!  I don't Twitter.  Don't even know how to Twitter.  Don't want to Twitter.  The Man in My Life finds all of this ridiculous.  Twittering, blogging, Facebook...tiresome, ridiculous, overly overt. But  wait, blogging?  I like you people.  I think you are smart and funny and smart.  I'm not giving up.  I've lived long enough to see the cycle.  It happens.

Guess what Twitter won't be forever.  Twitter is weird.

Second and totally off base... she who is my 12 year old saw a taxi driver smoking in cigarette in his taxi.  Gross. We live in Utah. Only a few of us smoke and those of who dream to smoke are smoking cloves.

But just gross. If I owned that cab company, you would not be allowed to smoke in the cab.  We have money to make damn it.

Allright and Amen.  And then see ya' later.

"The coolest people on Earth" don't seem that cool.

We watched the Grammy's last night.  Of all the award shows, it's my favorite.  Maybe because it moves faster than the others, maybe because there is more entertainment.  I don't know what it is.  For the most part, it was really lame.

Sick of Taylor Swift much?  I am really tired of that child.  We love Stevie Nicks, she's cool.  But singing with Taylor Swift.  Uggh.  It was painful.

Green Day.  Awesome.  I would travel to New York to see American Idiot on Broadway.  They just come off as cool.  They are probably dicks but they seem cool.

Pink was incredible.  Loved the silk ribbon acrobatics.  Way better than the Beyonce's  dancing.  I usually like Beyonce but those head spins, where she was whipping her hair around were just plain ridiculous.

The act with Eminem and Drake and Lil' Wayne could have been interesting but unfortunately the whole thing had to be censored.  I kept asking The Man in My Life if something was wrong with the television.  Seriously is loses it's effect when you can't hear the words.

Quentin Tarantino looks like Elvis Presley.  And his attempt to sound hip and urban was just embarrassing.  He makes us 40 year old white folks look ridiculous.

I'm kinda thinking I want those two and a half hours of my life back.  But you can guarantee I will watch again next year.  Narcissist and Hypocrite.

Your hair is your best accessory.

That's what I've been told.  Your hair truly is your best accessory.  Great Clips?  Don't bother.  It's like wearing cheap earrings.  Cost Cutters?  Even worse.  You might as well tattoo your face.  Like Mike Tyson face tattoo.  Your hair is important.  You need to take care of it, style it properly.  Wear it with pride.

I have great hair.  I have waited years for great hair.  If you asked me, "Jen, what's your greatest physical trait?"  I would say, aside from my dimpled ass, it's my hair.  Actually, ass #2 , hair #1.  I pay WAY TOO MUCH to have great hair but my ass would cost SOOOO much more.  So, I am loving my hair.  Now that's the Narcissist in me speaking.  The Self Conscious-side says, "Oh thanks for liking my hair, but have you seen how gray it is?!"  Oh it's a battle between these two!

So speaking of hair?  Should I have said something?  You know me, with my fabulous hair.  Should I have mentioned that this is not okay?

 I am sure she is charming.  She was smiling and in my book that makes her "pretty."  See previous post.  However, this is atrocious.  It's unacceptable.  It's awful.  This is not a hairstyle.  Please make her stop.  If you have this hairstyle and I have offended, I apologize, but change it.  This is BAD!  With a little creativity and some scissors, you can take care of this.

Your hair is your best accessory.  Leave the earrings, the necklace, the make-up at home.  Wear your hair like you own it (and btw, you do!)  But please, wear it fashionably and with a smile.  You will knock 'em dead!