Thursday, February 4, 2010

Do you think these questions might show up on the Census?

Did you know that because I live in the West, I am more likely to have breast implants?   If I lived in the Southeast I'd be rockin' some serious derriere implants.  

Now, I do not have breast implants and have mentioned in a past post I quite like what The Good Lord (or G*D, that's a shout out to my friend over at , she'll get it)  gave me.  Derriere implants, are you serious?  Buying jeans is tough enough, petite in length, but not "Mom jeans"  but not so low that I risk showing off the fact that I have birthed 3 large children.  I mean really, we need to add extra room for my derriere implants so that making buying said jeans puts me directly into the funny farm?!  Luckily, I don't live in Florida, this will not be a problem.

I am at risk for being tempted by other invasive procedures such as Liposuction and an Eyelid Lift, you know because I live in the West.  Tummy tuck, no. The folks in Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi want that more than me.  They live in the Southeast.  It's what they do.

Now on the minimally invasive front, Botox, soft-tissue fillers and a random chemical peel might get me through my 40's.  That's how we Westerners roll.  What about Botoxing my ass, Chemical peeling my boobs and then just adding some soft-tissue filler to my tummy.....that way I am just accentuating what I already have going.    Why stop this train from wrecking, I'm well on my way!

So, is the Census 2010 compiling this information?  I mean this is important shit.  We need to know.  When the Census Man/Woman comes knocking on my door, I'm speaking the truth.  Leave my body alone.  It rocks!

Because if I didn't you would have been disappointed.


  1. Too funny!! and you have to check out the sponge bob spoof of baby got back from burger king ads on you tube : )

  2. I'm probably gonna get a tummy tuck when i'm done having kiddos. if you saw my stomach, you'd understand. ok i'll just tell you. stretch marks galore. galore meaning covering my whole stomach. TMI?